Heart of Glass

Silence. The room is poisoned with the sound. It's uncomfortable and dangerous. It's like broken glass; if you're not careful you can cut yourself. If I try to speak I'll end up whispering, and I can't say a word only whimpers and sighs. My voice is empty, like the walls. I wonder if he heard my heart stop, or maybe if he heard it break.
"You promised you would never make me cry," I murmur. A tear streams into my mouth, and I can taste the sweetness of it; it was salty. Funny that pain tastes like the ocean; maybe it's our bodies' way to let the world know we're drowning. "You promised me..."
"Baby, I know-"he hummed with his husky voice.
"Don't call me baby," I sobbed. "I'm not your baby anymore."
"Okay." He said, slowly.
And the bitter silence returned while we were both slumped metres away from one and other; motionless. I wanted him to start laughing and to tell me this was a joke; to take my bony body against his and to push my hair behind my ears. But he didn't kiss away my tears. He just sat there staring at the door, in his own fixated trance.
"Do you want me?" I begged. "I want you. I want you! Please!" I crawled towards him, and forced myself into his arms and on his lap. I was grabbing his hair; running my hands through his long brown hair and kissing his neck. He sat like a stone; a gargoyle, some kind of monster who was not my lover. Or maybe I was the monster? I was biting his neck so desperate for his touch, clutching at his body.  "Please tell me you want me," I panted like an animal. His dark face lifted to mine, and our eyes fell into one and other. His mouth parted slightly. It was tender and forced. I could feel his breath inside of mine, the heat of fire; the fire which was burning out. I could feel my tongue on his lips, tasting him and needing him. He pushes me back. "Make love to me, make love to me like you used to," I screamed while I held on to him, twisting his shirt trying to take it off. I want to feel his skin on mine.
"Chelsea, get off me," he said with not an ounce of emotion in his tone.
"Put your hands on me first," I whimpered seductively into his ear; but there was nothing seductive about a broken angel who's bleeding misery and despair.
"I don't want you. Can you hear me?" His hand ran through my hair at that point, and he dragged my face away from his. I ended up on my knees for him, looking up at him like a dog begging for food. His face was cold, and his jaw line was severe. He began pacing around the room, walking back and forth and back and forth and I just watched him. Tap tap tap tap tap... the room echoed with his footsteps and my cries.
After what seemed like forever he stopped and he stared; he stared right through my glass heart. He stared at me like I was not his girl, I was someone else; a stranger in a dark alley who spoke with no clarification and looked with unnecessary interest. Was I this stranger, a person of the unknown?
"I made love to someone else, someone who was not you," and his words stole the breath right out of my chest. I could feel the ache that came on like a fever. The fever turned my skin to flames; I was shaking and sweating and gasping for air. Oxygen; it became toxic. I couldn't breathe, or think. My head was in my hands and I was melting to the floor.
The door handle squeaked as he turned it. My blood turned black; I punched his back and slammed him into the opening door.
"You were leaving me here!? You asshole, you fucking asshole! What did I do to deserve this? HUH! Tell me, tell me!" I yelped as I bashed his chest with my tightly closed fists, trying to beat up his heart; violence as my only solace squeezing my insides to death. "What did I do!? What did I do to make you cheat? Am I not good enough for you?"
My anger abandoned me, my knees lost blood and couldn't I find the strength to stand. My mouth was dry, and the room spun and blurred and dropped into a whirlpool. I was in his arms choking. I was in his arms breaking like a porcelain doll, becoming used material; a doll tossed into the dusty lost and broken box. I was in the arms of the boy who made me cry.
"Why?" I howled through my congested gasps, my voice shaken and flaccid. I want clarification, I wanted answers. We were perfect; we were Romeo and Juliet. I wasted the past year on a tale of false love. He slept with another. I meant so little to him that he could bestow his soul to a petty love affair. I gave him my innocence and all my love; just to have him smother me in dirt. What did I do to make him want someone else? Nothing could mend this wound he engraved into me.
He kissed my cheek and sighed in my ear. "Because I never loved you, I lied."

- 2010